With a narcissist, co-parenting is not feasible. The finest parallel parenting approach has clear limits and legal protection. A narcissist longs for complete control over a circumstance that keeps them in charge and dictating the rules. What are the telltale indicators of co-parenting with a narcissist, and is there any hope for the relationship?

Boundaries of Co-Parenting

Narcissists struggle with the idea of respect and privacy, which prevents them from understanding the right, boundary-specific co-parenting. Shared custody of a child does not imply that the parents must swap personal schedules and travel plans. Work schedules should be communicated, and pickup and drop-off times should be organized, but only with consideration for the child’s safety.

Co-parenting does not include becoming friends, going on holidays and vacations together, or requesting approval from the other parent to date, particularly in a high-conflict divorce. After a marriage ends and the two people split, they are no longer a single entity and may date and live their lives as they like. Unfortunately, this results in the narcissist losing control, and they respond like a hurricane: fiercely, explosively, and intent to wreak lasting harm.

A narcissist cannot simply let the kid spend the weekend or even a few hours with the other parent without making a scene. Any tiny setbacks in the plan, including perceived slights and conflict escalation, will be amplified and blamed on the non-narcissistic parent. The narcissistic parent will make as many phone calls or text messages as possible, or they may insist on attending activities with the other parent. Even when the narcissist gets the children back, privacy invasion continues. The narcissist will then interject themselves into the personal lives of the other parent.

Parallel Parenting

Parallel parenting is viable for parents who want to start over without their narcissistic parent, but it may also be challenging to implement. It has to be supported by firm limits and reliable legal documentation. Because narcissists cannot maintain their word and take their falsehoods seriously, nothing can be sustained without a written contract. Each parent follows their own choices, activities, behaviors, and parenting style in parallel parenting, restricting the contact between the parents.

Signs of a Narcissistic Co-Parent

The other parent’s life will be made more difficult by a narcissist in any number of ways, such as:

• Demanding information about all plans and activities that have taken place (or will take place) during the other parent’s time;
• refusing to give the child(ren) over to the other parent to spend time with them;
• Interrogating the child(ren) about everything that happened with the other parent, such as what they ate, where they went, and who they saw, and then picking fights with them;
• Telling the kids to record or take photos of the other parent, the house, activities, etc. and sending them to the narcissistic parent to make erroneous claims with child protective; This may also apply to other family members or the acquaintances of the other parent;
• Demanding that holidays or other special occasions be spent “as a family” despite the other parent’s opposition. The narcissistic parent, even when told no, will either go (“It’s a public event!”) or blame the kids and the other parent; alternatively, they may attempt to manipulate other individuals who attend activities. “You can come, but your new wife isn’t allowed,” for example. “Refusing to abide by the custody schedule or rules, like moving school districts or failing to give notice about taking the child out of state.” “Changing their schedules or the children’s schedule without consulting with the other parent and telling them of changes is a lie.” It’s not uncommon for narcissistic ex-partners and co-parents to accuse the other of drug and alcohol abuse, domestic violence, rape, and stalking. These baseless allegations only exacerbate a difficult and chaotic situation and irreversibly harm reputations.

Parallel parenting may gradually give way to co-parenting, but it is best to maintain your boundaries while a narcissist is around. They will return as soon as you do to completely ruin your life and all you have created during your separation.

Preventing Problems

The easiest way to avoid issues is to have little or no contact with your ex-partner and document everything. If you must communicate, only use email or text messages so that you can have a record of your words and any abuse. Include privacy protections, restrictions on communication, precise pick-up and drop-off hours and places, and a clear holiday calendar in your custody paperwork. It is also worthwhile to research restraining orders or legal orders of protection. Invest in a home security system with cameras to capture interactions if your ex-narcissist ever comes inside the physical limits of your house or you.

Make sure the custody agreement has every detail, including the number of daily phone conversations that should be allowed. It may seem ridiculous and needless, but it will assist if your ex is wasting your valuable parenting time by phoning every hour to ask where the kid is. A narcissist would never voluntarily consent to parallel parenting since doing so would require them to give up influence over you. Remember that your lawyer has experience in this area; let them battle for you.

The best method to shelter children from parental arguments is to have a parallel parenting plan with clear restrictions and boundaries, even if you can never screen them from the destructive effect of their narcissistic parents. The greatest way to escape a narcissistic divorce or custody dispute is to become well and take better care of yourself. A few things may stand between you and your narcissistic ex, such as finding a competent therapist, having faith in your attorney, and surrounding yourself with strong, caring people. You may enhance the atmosphere for your children by bettering your life and strengthening your body and mind. Your kids will then want to be around you and in your surroundings. A happy life is something that your ex can never take away, regardless of the custody disputes or financial strain.

The easiest way to avoid issues is to have little or no contact with your ex-partner and document everything. If you must communicate, only use email or text messages so that you can have a record of your words and any abuse. Include privacy protections, restrictions on communication, precise pick-up and drop-off hours and places, and a clear holiday calendar in your custody paperwork. It is also worthwhile to research restraining orders or legal orders of protection. Invest in a home security system with cameras to capture interactions if your ex-narcissist ever comes inside the physical limits of your house or you.

Make sure the custody agreement has every detail, including the number of daily phone conversations that should be allowed. It may seem ridiculous and needless, but it will assist if your ex is wasting your valuable parenting time by phoning every hour to ask where the kid is. A narcissist would never voluntarily consent to parallel parenting since doing so would require them to give up influence over you. Remember that your lawyer has experience in this area; let them battle for you.

The best method to shelter children from parental arguments is to have a parallel parenting plan with clear restrictions and boundaries, even if you can never screen them from the destructive effect of their narcissistic parents. The greatest way to escape a narcissistic divorce or custody dispute is to become well and take better care of yourself. A few things may stand between you and your narcissistic ex, such as finding a competent therapist, having faith in your attorney, and surrounding yourself with strong, caring people. You may enhance the atmosphere for your children by bettering your life and strengthening your body and mind. Your kids will then want to be around you and in your surroundings. A happy life is something that your ex can never take away, regardless of the custody disputes or financial strain.